Tuesday, October 28, 2008

• i know i am always bringing up a smile on my face, always don't believe that the relationship is over. acting as in i am an idiot believing and waiting for something impossible. always acting mad, comparing him from others saying how perfect he is compare to others. i know! but do you really know what the truth is ?

the truth is WHAT YOU GUYS WANT ME TO DO, i tried to be normal. and when i does that you guys called me not to act mature by keeping quite. this problem have been hurting me for days, yes i am trying to forget but whenever i think of it i will start to have the feeling of crying.. when i does that you guys will be like kang kang kang kang.. AS IN WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU ALL DOING. you all called me to give up, called me to forget , called me to move on. but do you all know what you all did a not, you all made me hard to forget him OK... i tried to put on a smile acting mad cause i want to make days even happier that ever, i don't wish to be happy because of him, sad because of him and angry because of him.

• you all said i don't know how to think, i don't know how to plan my future, i don't know anything, I AM JUST A KID!

ya i did told you guys that i have been hired for quite a lot of jobs for this Holiday, but i did not turn up cause i am lazy to and no one accompany me. i am not good in my studies, not good in anything. reason for all this is i want to enjoy my holidays, i need time to rest and forget everything which happen. YA I AM JUST A KID, I AM JUST 16 WHAT DO YOU ALL EXPECT FROM ME. there is still along way for me to go. i know what i want i know what i don't. the thing i want now is totally impossible. i love singing i love dogs so do i love him a lot. but what do you guys expect from me really, i have enough of all this OK.. just let me decide things on my own OK.

• you all said it is so silly of me doing this to myself, cutting myself, smoking, stealing and making myself becoming like this.

do you know how hurt it is when someone whom you never love so much in your life before doesn't want you anymore. my heart were like pain OK. i don't know what to do to stop that hurt so i started cutting myself to release some of the pain. taking up smoking cause people say you will feel better after smoking, ALL BULL SHIT OK!! stealing for no reason. did all this because of him and quit all this because of him too. having sleepless night each day, thinking of him.. i just cant control it OK. everything end so fast, told you guys i know it is my fault and the reason y, but you guys said you will never understand. you guys will never know just how much i love him, different people have different ways of loving someone. days with him were like unforgettable, no matter now hard i try everything seem so hard to forget. because of me everything ends. i have been trying to keep contact with him, if i never sms him, he will never sms me de. do you know just how much i miss him right now. do you know how hurt i am.he have already became part of my life.

• you all ask how could i cry till it is like end of the world. crying over ever single word he said. why do i still want him that badly when it is like so obvious that he doesn't love me anymore.

i dont know i really dont know why, sometimes the things he said really hurt me a lot, i know he said "be friends first" was just because he doesnt want me to be sad, but i know the truth is that 3 words was just an excuse... cause you know i will never give you up. so that 3 word was just to stop any arguement from starting. i want him so badly because he really mean a lot to me, i miss him a lot, days without him was like wasnt life at all. how i wish everything could just start all over again. i promise i will treat you even better that ever. but too bad it is IMPOSSIBLE.. i destroy the last chance he gave..

I am Lynette!